Baby, sweet someone, I believe you will reveal God to me as I’ve never known Him before. Yes, I think that may be why He has led me into the desert during these months prior to your coming, allowing me to suffer the dryness as my mind searches for answers and my heart aches for deeper union with Him. Continue reading
Why do I find myself believing pain is more real than peace?
Why do I often feel that my strengths are artificial—illusion, deception—and my weaknesses authentic? On a good day, I am certain Christ is buoying me above the waves; on a bad day, I am certain He is beyond arm’s reach. Desolation penetrates me more deeply than does consolation. Objective truths—I am loved, my true self is truly good—suddenly seem to be subjective hogwash, the intoxicating smoke of a shaman’s pipe hovering over reality. Continue reading
As a child, I confess I slightly dreaded Lent. I suppose many children likely do, knowing they must choose something to give up for forty days (probably their favorite candy). But with every year that flies by, more and more do I come to understand and appreciate that Lent is not so much about giving up as it a gift to receive.Continue reading
The baby nestles its face in its mother’s bosom. The world outside is cold, brutal, unforgiving, whistling with ice-laced snow, but the baby is aware of nothing but her mother’s warmth. Continue reading
The morning is thick, soft, quiet with woolen fog. We are parting the dove-gray smoke as we drive past rickety farmhouses nestled among sleeping fields. The island is tranquil, taking a breath before the next winter storm. And then suddenly the shroud dissipates into a luminous horizon before us, gold diffusing upward into a pale blue sky. Continue reading
This is my body, given up for you.
I’ve reflected much on Christ’s words throughout my pregnancy. I do not recognize this rotund belly, cute perhaps but often in the way, which has rejected my once-comfortable jeans. I have no say over what position my child takes in my womb, whether that be jabbing an elbow into my belly button or otherwise. What nutrients may be lacking in my diet—but are required for this little growing person’s development—are drawn from my own body’s reserves.Continue reading
In carrying a child in my womb, I think I myself am, in a beautifully ironic way, slowly becoming a child again.Continue reading
As I await the advent of our first child, I am becoming familiar with its every movement. On the day of birth, I will indeed recognize our little one, this original creation I am coming to know already.Continue reading
I was awakened when it was yet dark out, a wailing wind luring me from bed to the window. Peering out, I watched rain lashing viciously at Saint Patrick the statue, a resolute sentinel guarding our home against the storm. Back into bed I crawled, safe and warm.Continue reading
After a morning spent watercoloring a few charcoal sketches, I buttoned up my coat and took to the dirt road near our home, which cascades down between cropland and flows between wild apple trees further on. This summer, the fields were seeded with corn. When they were at their height, the paper stalks formed castle walls on either side, green in summer, golden in autumn. Sapling maples fringe the road, bursting sweet berry-red to distract from the now-naked fields. Scattered kernels are the only vestige that a castle ever existed on this island.Continue reading